Well, today was Sunday. It is usually my favorite day of the week. Today, however, was not so. I was very happy to make it on time to 9:00 church, especially with the time change. Well, by the opening song, Baylor and Aynslee were already fighting and Baylor screamed of loud I had to take him out. I had a shorter fuse than usual pretty much all day with the kids, which didn't help, and I had a really hard time fasting, and felt weak and almost delirious, which didn't help either. Anyways, Spencer was conducting, he gave a great testimony, but all the new callings and the rest of sacrament I couldn't even hear because by the 4th time I took Baylor out, I just stayed out. He cried and cried.....it was so frustrating!! I didn't get to take the bread, which made me madder. I gave a lesson in the atonement that I thought would be so good, but they didn't really listen or seem to take it that well. Then I ended up subbing in Nursery instead of going to Relief Society. I knew they needed my help, but I so look forward to Relief Society and the spiritual upliftment it gives me, so I was bummed about that too. I came home with a plan to do things to make the Sabbath a "delight" and it didn't work. Wylie wanted to do his own thing, wouldn't participate in any of it and went around teasing his siblings until they would scream, it drove me nuts! Then poor Spencer came home starving and I didn't get his text, so I didn't have the food ready on time. The roast I thought would be so great, turned out dry. The kids made big messes and now after prayers a d scriptures, I realize how impatient and not understanding Spencer and I are as parents. Kaylese went to bed upset because both Spencer and I had hurt her feelings. SIGH. I am still so grateful for my life. I know I am so blessed, it was just one of those days where we had the combination of my onery self and kids who didn't feel like listening. I just want a schedule, I want to be organized, planned out and have a plan for discipline. I am sick of over reacting and regretting it. I want to be a perfect, patient mother and I want Spencer and I to be on the same page all the time. It is so hard though. I need help. I can't do it alone. I feel tired and frustrated most of the time. I am sick of it. I guess I need to change things. I need to be better at exercising, praying, reading, and being calmer with my kids. Same stuff I have always struggled with. I am frustrated with myself. I hope with God's help and my determination, that I can be a do better. Until next time, Justine.
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