Motherhood

Sigh.....Motherhood is....Motherhood is  the hardest, most wearing, tiring, never ending job I have ever done. Its always at the end of the day that the guilt sets in. When they are asleep, you look at their sweet innocence and remember just how blessed you are. You also realize just how hard on them you were that day. Its so easy and clear to know exactly how you should and want to be as a Mother when you are not in the middle of it. Even when you have a conversation about a certain situation with other mothers, its easy to clearly know how it should be handled. Yet, that same situation could happen with your kids the next day and you could completely flip out because emotions, fatigue, a mood swing might just get in the way. I hate so badly knowing how I should be mothering, but feeling like I fail miserably everyday because of mood swings, fatigue, PMS, etc... I do have good days, but most I feel I regret atleast something I said or did. I want to be a perfect mother more than anything right now. I want my children to feel loved, valued, listened to, safe to open up, etc... sigh....I just hope I can get to a point where I can make them feel all of these things before its too late. I try so hard. I just wish I was different. I want to be better. I guess I need to keep praying for help.