Thinking

So the kids have had Spring break this week. We went up to see Mom & Dad Slade, stayed over and went to the Aquarium in Riverton. It was awesome! The kids loved it. It was nice to spend time with my Mom & Dad. We have just hung out since. We are planning on going to the dunes tomorrow. There was a relief society birthday dinner tonight. It was a lot of fun.
So I have been thinking a lot about last year at this time, being in the hospital with Baylor, and how I feel about being done. It's just weird because right before having him I was overwhelmed at the thought of another child, and I still get overwhelmed at times, but ever since having him, I have felt so sad about being done. I don't think it means we were meant to have more, I just think it's because I have never felt more important, more loved, so excited, and happier than when I have been pregnant, and right after having a new baby. The feelings are so hard to describe. I loved everything about it. From taking the test with nerves and excitement, to announcing it to everyone, the first ultrasound and Dr.'s appt., the name picking, the getting ready, the planning, the spiritual experience of birth, and the love I feel seeing my baby. All the visitors and excitement about meeting your new one, bringing the baby home, the visits and thougthful gifts and meals, the tiny, sweet baby to cuddle.....sigh. I just have loved everything about it. And because it has been such a huge part of my life for the last 12 years, I guess it's hard to believe and accept that it's really over . I am forever grateful for these experiences and memories. I love my kids more than they will ever understand. Each has been such a unique experience. I think the fact that Wylie is in his last quarter of elementary is making it sad for me too. I can't believe how much he has grown up. I know I am in for new adventures, but that just makes me even more nervous. I want them to stay little. I just really hope I can be the Mom that makes my kids feel loved and special. It's harder to do than I thought.   I love them with all my heart. Hope tomorrow is fun and good.